The First 90 Days
A fact about me is I love to read. I thrive on my nightly routine of taking a bath, performing my skin care routine and 30-60mins of reading fiction every night. One author I particularly enjoy reading is Colleen Hoover. Her books are full of deep emotional drama and they lock you in so quick!
Now you’re probably wondering why you’re a minute into a blog post about the fourth trimester and all I’ve talked about so far is Colleen Hoover. The other night I was deep into one of her latest books and the characters used the phrase ‘naked truth’ where they had to spill their thoughts without holding back. So here we go…
Naked truth: I do not love the newborn phase.
Newborns are hard y’all. Their sleep is all over the place, they’re constantly needing something from you (to be fed, changed, burped, rocked, etc.), add in breastfeeding and associated difficulties with a household dependent on you and other littles and you have found yourself amongst all the other mamas who have gone before you. Exhausted and likely touched out.
Two nights ago, I was in the thick of it with my 11-week-old. Exhausted from trying to help her get to sleep. Exhausted from nursing and her refusing bottles. Exhausted from being sleep deprived. Exhausted from having my toddler throw tantrums because I couldn’t give him what he needed. I was crying and ready to throw in the towel when I came across a social media post with words that pierced my heart.
I cry out of frustration that she won’t sleep, then cry for feeling guilty for crying as it’s not her fault.
I cry because she won’t settle unless she’s in my arms then cry for feeling guilty for crying because I never want to let go.
I cry because I don’t get a second for myself then cry for feeling guilty for crying because I never want to be without her.
I cry because I wish the tough days away then cry for feeling guilty for crying because she’ll never be this little again.
I cry because I can’t do it anymore then cry for feeling guilty for crying because I need to be there for her...
She goes on to talk about the cycle of motherhood and how strong we are as mothers. We are on a rollercoaster of mentally, emotionally and physically demanding jobs that never end but are always worth it.
I’ve survived the first 90 days of motherhood l twice now and I can confidentially tell you there is light at the end, it does get easier, you will adjust, your baby loves you, your partner wants to help you, you’re going to be ok.
Until then…
Ask for help
Accept the help
Prioritize yourself even briefly - you need self care
Allow visitors to help with errands, chores, meals, holding the baby so you can shower (this one is big)
Breathe and stay calm. Your baby needs you.
Know that nothing you say in the middle of the night to your partner counts ;)
Cry, let the tears fall, get the emotions out
Seek out professionals when/if you need them. Listen to your mom gut (this goes for both mama and baby)
You can do hard things. You will survive this stage, too. We are all on this cycle of motherhood together.
Better rest is coming,
Syd
Source: Motherly